My father's love

I knew
With unquestionable certainty
that he loved us.

We could take our battles, big or small
To him
And like a warrior
He came to the rescue

He lived away from is family
Working for a better life
Worked his fingers to the bone

Home every Friday
After a four-hour drive
Bearing little gifts
You could set your clock by him

He listened
When you wanted to talk
Taught, argued and encouraged

He used reason
Other times discipline
Always under-laid by the certainty
Of his love

Now I look at him
Sick, tired, waiting for death
I miss the man he used to be
The vibrant, energetic man
He used to be

We speak on the phone
As much as his health allows
I visit him every weekend
Spend time with him
Still I miss him

The man he used to be
Is fading away everyday
A shadow left behind

My heart shouts: “Why him!”
Why not someone else father
Someone who did not love his family?

I want to reverse the clock
Bring back the man my father used to be
Ask one more question; argue one more time
I miss my friend

But now is the time, to give my father the same love
And support he gave his family
So I sit on the edge of the bed
Tell him one more story, call forth one more laugh.

I want him to know
With unquestionable certainty
That his was a life well-spent
That his family
Loves him just as deeply.

This poem was written on the 9 May 2002, about a month before my father passed away. On that same day, I also wrote an essay about my father, his illness and impending death. I think, that was the day I came to terms with the fact that my father was dying and began the grieving process.